I'm Sick And Tired Of People Not Knowing What A Cheeseburger Sub Is

Roughly two weeks ago there was the reader email about someone’s co-worker eating cheeseburgers for breakfast and wondering how insane the man is. I, of course, defended the move and from that moment forward I’ve been done with breakfast food. I never liked eggs to begin with, they basically have less protein and look more disgusting than cum, and that email inspired me to totally forget about them. They’re out of my diet entirely, fuck Rocky. So what I’ve been getting for breakfast instead recently are cheeseburger subs. Tons of cheeseburger subs. They’re sausage, egg, and cheese sandwiches plus all the veggies from a breakfast burrito, so you know they’re healthy as shit.

But, what’s surprised me is the fact that apparently these are regional? No one outside of New England has heard of cheeseburger subs? First of all, fuck you for being an idiot, “cheeseburger sub” isn’t exactly the Da Vinci code. It’s a cheeseburger, two of them in fact, on a sub. Second of all, I implore your local sandwich shop to start making these. They’re simple and delicious. I guess New England has to be the birthplace of everything but if we want to throw “cheeseburger subs” on top of the whole “America” thing then let’s fucking do it.